Katharine Hubbard
You know that lone person sitting in the corner of the bar drinking by themselves? That’s me; I’m back home for Christmas and not enjoying myself. I hate Christmas and I’m pretty sure this place is the 9th circle of hell. I’m watching the crowd in the bar. I’d call it a dive bar but every bar in this town is a dive. I’m drinking a Martini, flavor – redneck zombie, how fitting. Oh, and chill the goddamn glass! Were these bartenders trained by monkeys? Note to self – start taking shots, the human stupidity will hurt less.
Ah, shit. Someone is walking this way. A guy. Don’t make me throw down fistacuffs, bitch.
“Hay, you’re Alysia, right?” he ask.
Alysia is dead asshole. I’m her doppelganger. “Yeah, and your are?” was my actually response.
“I’m blah blah blah,” he says, “remember that time in high school that we skipped lunch, smoked pot, and hit up McyD’s?”
Yeah, I remember that day. It was called every f’ing day of high school, jackass. You were involved on one occasion and you expect me to remember you? My actual response “Yeah, excuse me please, I need to go to the bathroom” and I walked off. I just saw my friend walk in the door, thank god, I make a beeline towards her.
The guy did bring up a good point. I’m getting kind of drunk. McyD’s is going to sound really good in about 2 hours. We’ll have to find a sober person to make a burger run. Maybe the baby sitter will do it if we tip her extra.
I’ve never been sober while eating at McDonalds. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a sober person there either.
Damn it. The babysitter is drunk. I guess I’ll just have to wait till the hangover kicks in and I can drive myself. McDonalds is also the perfect cure to a hangover.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The Runaway Human
I never ran as a kid or in high school. I walk fast. I’m in a hurry to get somewhere but I don’t know where. I took up running because I’m a runner. As in, I run away from things. I’m not trying to get anywhere, hence why I don’t know where I’m going; I’m just trying to get away. From places, people, memories. I’m not the only one. I’m just one of the few who admit it. Who even knows they are doing it.
I was running from places that held bad memories. My friend died on that street. Ran over by a cement truck. I use to do drugs there, there. There and there. Oh, and over there. Lets not forget the boyfriend who won’t let me live down the fact that I dumped him on his birthday. I was 19, high out of my mind, and we had only been dating for 3 months. How many times do I have to say I’m sorry? One, five, is ten not enough? Don’t say you’ve forgiven my past then continue to throw it in my face. I’ve admitted that I fucked up, that I feel bad, that if I could change it I would, that I have remorse that I was such a shit piece of a human being. Once you finally change your life it gets old being reminded of the person you use to be.
I feel bad about what I’ve done in the past and that’s why I changed my life. I cleaned up, cold turkey, no rehab here. I went back to college. I got involved with things, people, places. I was an RA, a sorority girl, I have friends I say “I love you” to. I graduated. I started thinking about how my actions would affect other people before I did them. I’ve grown as a person. I’ve also learned that those who truly love me have forgiven me for what I’ve done. Even though I’ve never properly apologized to them.
Yet I still felt like I needed to run. The more my life changed, the better it got, the more I felt the need to run. I tried to start my life over when I went back to college. All of the people I meet there let me leave the past where it belonged. But I was still to close to where I had caused my shit storm. People who knew me then, places I had to drive by from then. I just wanted to start over. I wanted the chance to be the person I can be and not the person I was.
When you hit that point only one thing to do. Change your name and move to California.
I moved to Cali and I stopped running. Literally. I didn’t have the motivation anymore. I had finally stopped figuratively running from my life. But when a situation arises that I want to run from. I run. And while I’m running the hills of Berkeley I let my mind race. I sort through what it is I’m running from. Once it all makes sense I don’t fell like running away any more. I’m finally being the person that I want to be. I can’t forget my past but I’m free of the ties that bind me to a person I no longer am.
I was running from places that held bad memories. My friend died on that street. Ran over by a cement truck. I use to do drugs there, there. There and there. Oh, and over there. Lets not forget the boyfriend who won’t let me live down the fact that I dumped him on his birthday. I was 19, high out of my mind, and we had only been dating for 3 months. How many times do I have to say I’m sorry? One, five, is ten not enough? Don’t say you’ve forgiven my past then continue to throw it in my face. I’ve admitted that I fucked up, that I feel bad, that if I could change it I would, that I have remorse that I was such a shit piece of a human being. Once you finally change your life it gets old being reminded of the person you use to be.
I feel bad about what I’ve done in the past and that’s why I changed my life. I cleaned up, cold turkey, no rehab here. I went back to college. I got involved with things, people, places. I was an RA, a sorority girl, I have friends I say “I love you” to. I graduated. I started thinking about how my actions would affect other people before I did them. I’ve grown as a person. I’ve also learned that those who truly love me have forgiven me for what I’ve done. Even though I’ve never properly apologized to them.
Yet I still felt like I needed to run. The more my life changed, the better it got, the more I felt the need to run. I tried to start my life over when I went back to college. All of the people I meet there let me leave the past where it belonged. But I was still to close to where I had caused my shit storm. People who knew me then, places I had to drive by from then. I just wanted to start over. I wanted the chance to be the person I can be and not the person I was.
When you hit that point only one thing to do. Change your name and move to California.
I moved to Cali and I stopped running. Literally. I didn’t have the motivation anymore. I had finally stopped figuratively running from my life. But when a situation arises that I want to run from. I run. And while I’m running the hills of Berkeley I let my mind race. I sort through what it is I’m running from. Once it all makes sense I don’t fell like running away any more. I’m finally being the person that I want to be. I can’t forget my past but I’m free of the ties that bind me to a person I no longer am.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Vegas Redeye
I’m 28. I’ve never had the desire to go to Vegas. Most are questioning my sanity right now. I have yet to loose my mind though. I was given the opportunity to fly into Vegas on a night flight. Heck Yeah! Give me the window seat. Now.
I have my moments when I slower and denser then frozen molasses. This was not one of them. I knew this would be an amazing flight. Upgraded to first class and that was the least spectacular part of my flight. Flying out of San Francisco at night was beautiful. It really is this small little island attached to Cali. Of all the things wrong with California there is nothing more spectacular than San Francisco on a regular day, San Francisco coved in fog, San Francisco at night coved in fog, or just a good old fashion California sunset. Or so I thought.
Short flight, window seat, good book, 1am, first class, no sleep, windows open. I knew I would be able to see it a ways off but 20 minutes till I land, never. It was the biggest dot I have seen from the sky. It just kept getting bigger, bigger, bigger. Nice lay out of a city. Oh all that flat space to sprawl; must be great for city planers. Also, beautiful from the sky.
Our plane flew in perpendicular to the strip. I venture a guess that it is overwhelming from street level. But from the sky it is spectacular, miniature, detailed. It takes a lot to awe me anymore, but awed I was. There needs to be a word invented to describe how spectacular, grandiose, dazzling, extravagant, fabulous, and mind blowing that this sight was. I could read the names of the hotels, I saw Paris, Stratosphere, Luxor, I don’t even know most of the names but I’ve seen them on TV. It blew me away. Never thought the airport would be so close to the strip… Nice, easy, convenient.
And for those in the know… PLAM TREES!
I have my moments when I slower and denser then frozen molasses. This was not one of them. I knew this would be an amazing flight. Upgraded to first class and that was the least spectacular part of my flight. Flying out of San Francisco at night was beautiful. It really is this small little island attached to Cali. Of all the things wrong with California there is nothing more spectacular than San Francisco on a regular day, San Francisco coved in fog, San Francisco at night coved in fog, or just a good old fashion California sunset. Or so I thought.
Short flight, window seat, good book, 1am, first class, no sleep, windows open. I knew I would be able to see it a ways off but 20 minutes till I land, never. It was the biggest dot I have seen from the sky. It just kept getting bigger, bigger, bigger. Nice lay out of a city. Oh all that flat space to sprawl; must be great for city planers. Also, beautiful from the sky.
Our plane flew in perpendicular to the strip. I venture a guess that it is overwhelming from street level. But from the sky it is spectacular, miniature, detailed. It takes a lot to awe me anymore, but awed I was. There needs to be a word invented to describe how spectacular, grandiose, dazzling, extravagant, fabulous, and mind blowing that this sight was. I could read the names of the hotels, I saw Paris, Stratosphere, Luxor, I don’t even know most of the names but I’ve seen them on TV. It blew me away. Never thought the airport would be so close to the strip… Nice, easy, convenient.
And for those in the know… PLAM TREES!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Positive Attitude
Sometimes in life I need an attitude check. My attitude is the soul determinate of my happiness. Like the story of the Fox and the Sour Grapes. The fox can’t get the grapes but it is up to the fox to decide his attitude. The grapes can be sour and not worth his time or the grapes can be sweet but he has to find another way. I don’t want my life to be sour grapes, so I comprise a list of quotes that help remind me why it is my attitude that makes my life happy, sad, successful, or etc. So anyone who needs a little pick me up read on.
"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. "
~ Thomas Jefferson
Dr. Viktor E. Frankl
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts.... We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.
W. C. Fields
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
"Believe you can and you're half way there."
~ Theodore Roosevelt
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind."
~ William James
"If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right. "
~ Mary Kay Ash
W. Clement Stone
There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.
William James
Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.
William James
The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.
And my favorite of all!
Herm Albright
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. "
~ Thomas Jefferson
Dr. Viktor E. Frankl
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts.... We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.
W. C. Fields
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
"Believe you can and you're half way there."
~ Theodore Roosevelt
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind."
~ William James
"If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right. "
~ Mary Kay Ash
W. Clement Stone
There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.
William James
Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.
William James
The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.
And my favorite of all!
Herm Albright
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Urban Run
I love San Francisco. The city, the parks, the museums, the ocean, the bay, and urban runs. There is something strange about running in the city, all the people walking, then you pass, get passed, or spot another runner. That’s when it stops feeling strange. I like to run by the bay. Ocean on one side and city on the other. Seeing the water puts me into the running trance, the void, the place where “right here, right now” is all you are. Yesterday’s mistakes and tomorrows worries leave you and you are free to just be.
I never had this feeling when I ran in Nebraska. Running there was as taxing on my mind as it was my body, more so really. My mind running as fast as my body, how to budget my limited income, what do I need to pack, what will I have for dinner, will I get to see him tonight, what is due for class.
I made a comment to my mum about how friendly the people in San Francisco are. She said she didn’t think I liked friendly people. When I’m shopping in a store they ask if I need help, that is friendly, and they always say thank you when you leave or check out. People say please, too. This is not common in Nebraska. But when I run in Nebraska people always want to say “Hi” or wave.
When I run I have my headphones, sunglasses, and hat on; I look like I’m on a mission. I’m running, I’m in my zone and I don’t look ready to socialize. When I run it becomes my job whether it is for 30 minutes or two hours; I’m working. My run is solitary and doesn’t involve interaction, people skills, and IS NOT a customer service orientated.
In San Francisco there are people, people everywhere. I can run without being bothered, I can stay in my zone, start my job and finish, I can meditate without being interrupted, I can biff it and no one bothers me. I love it here in my city by the bay.
I never had this feeling when I ran in Nebraska. Running there was as taxing on my mind as it was my body, more so really. My mind running as fast as my body, how to budget my limited income, what do I need to pack, what will I have for dinner, will I get to see him tonight, what is due for class.
I made a comment to my mum about how friendly the people in San Francisco are. She said she didn’t think I liked friendly people. When I’m shopping in a store they ask if I need help, that is friendly, and they always say thank you when you leave or check out. People say please, too. This is not common in Nebraska. But when I run in Nebraska people always want to say “Hi” or wave.
When I run I have my headphones, sunglasses, and hat on; I look like I’m on a mission. I’m running, I’m in my zone and I don’t look ready to socialize. When I run it becomes my job whether it is for 30 minutes or two hours; I’m working. My run is solitary and doesn’t involve interaction, people skills, and IS NOT a customer service orientated.
In San Francisco there are people, people everywhere. I can run without being bothered, I can stay in my zone, start my job and finish, I can meditate without being interrupted, I can biff it and no one bothers me. I love it here in my city by the bay.
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